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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28048338">how to survive standing on both sides of the insider-outsider theory</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowhere_blake/pseuds/nowhere_blake'>nowhere_blake</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>stories from Chuck's abandoned Twin Verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brotherly Love, Cooking is Dean Winchester's Love Language, Dean Winchester Loves His Little Brothers, Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm terrified my original character turned out a bit too Mary Sue, Jealousy, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, POV Outsider, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Has a Twin Brother, Sam and Dean's Tangled Mess, Sibling Incest, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Third Winchester, Twin Sam Winchester, Twins, Unhealthy Relationships, between Sam/Dean only, but I've grown to love him so much so please be gentle with him, in very different ways, okay technically he doesn't actually cook in this one but that tag is very important to me, this turned out really quite cheesy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:35:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,679</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28048338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowhere_blake/pseuds/nowhere_blake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck's abandoned Twin Verse. Everything is the same, except for how Dean has two little brothers to take care of, instead of just the one.</p><p>Navigating being an insider to The Winchester Brothers, but being an outsider to whatever Tangled Mess Sam and Dean have got going on, is not exactly a fun experience, at the best of times. And then Sam fucks off to college, and everything gets worse.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>stories from Chuck's abandoned Twin Verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>how to survive standing on both sides of the insider-outsider theory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>check out my Ultimate Sam and Dean are Soulmates playlist <a href="https://princessconsuelapark.tumblr.com/post/635278264858984448/my-ultimate-sam-and-dean-are-soulmates-playlist"> here </a> if you fancy:)</p><p>*thought I'd continue with the grandparents theme, so Miles is named after their paternal grandmother, Millie Winchester</p><p>hope you enjoy, happy reading ! 💕</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean's always been the only who was able to tell him and Sam apart, without fail, every single time. When they were little even Dad mixed them up sometimes - although it happened less and less as they got older, the differences in their personalities becoming more pronounced - but even later, well into their high school years, Dad would trip up occasionally. He’d only grunt in apology when they reminded him which one was which, leaving Sam endlessly frustrated, and Miles amused, but mostly unbothered.</p><p>But Dean always knew. He knew when they were three and were tottering around some shabby motel room, and he knew when they were twelve and thought the funniest thing in the world was to prank people by pretending to be each other.</p><p>‘Cut it out, Mills,’ he’d say, rolling his eyes. ‘Like you’d ever willingly sit down to do your homework.’</p><p>‘I’m <em> Sam,</em>’ Miles protested, trying to imitate his twin’s whiny tone.</p><p>‘Right. And I’m a Wendigo,’ Dean said, chuckling, and when Sam climbed out from under the bed, laughing, he just reached down and ruffled, first Sam’s, then Miles’s hair.</p><p>‘How can you tell though?’ Miles asked him, utterly disappointed.</p><p>Dean just shrugged. ‘I don’t know what to tell you, kiddo. You look nothing alike to me.’</p><p>Miles scoffed frustratedly, but Sam beamed up at Dean, like he just announced they’d won a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms or something.</p><p>Then Sam left for college, and Dean started slipping up. Miles thinks, logically, that doesn’t make a lick of sense. Surely telling them apart should become <em> easier </em>when it‘s only one of them around, not harder. And yet, even that very morning, Dean, waking up all groggy after a late night, was all, ‘Hey Sammy, pass me the painkillers, will you?’ despite the fact that Sam had been at Stanford almost four years now.</p><p>‘It’s <em> Miles </em> and you can get them yourself,’ he replied uncharacteristically testily, his voice ironically sounding a lot more like Sam’s that way.</p><p>The awkward silence that followed was enough to dissipate Miles’s anger straight away. He bit back the vicious <em> am I not good enough, what does your precious Sammy have that I don’t </em> that was on the tip of his tongue. When he finally took pity on Dean and handed him a glass of water with some ibuprofen, his big brother looked so heartbroken, it made Miles feel like Sam had left them all over again.</p><p>Because - and this is where he thinks he is on firmer ground regarding his anger - as horrible as he feels for Dean, it’s not like he’s the only one Sam left behind.</p><p>It turned out the awful start to the morning was only the beginning. The moment they started packing up the car it started raining and it didn’t let up until they reached the outskirts of Houston five hours later, where they blew a tire on a backroad. Dean’s colorful cursing did nothing to help with the matter, and by the time they finally found somewhere cheap to stay for the night, the rain had started back up again.</p><p>By then, they were sick of each other’s company, and had been steadily arguing over anything and everything for the last three hours. Dean shut the motel bathroom door behind himself without a word as soon as they got inside, leaving Miles to haul both their duffels in from the car.</p><p>He listened to the creaky sound of the shower starting up, and looked around the empty room. Fuck it, he decided. He was getting really sick of Dean’s bullshit, and really wasn’t in the mood for it tonight. The case in New Orleans, while pretty straightforward, left him emotionally drained, exhausted right down to his bones. The city was still reeling from the devastation of Hurricane Katrina only three months ago, and Miles felt like the smell of death and the sight of all the rubble was still uncomfortably sticking to his skin, even three hundred miles later.</p><p>‘I’m going out for a beer, Dean,’ he shouted into the bathroom, but the only reply he got was a disinterested grunt.</p><p>‘Well, fuck you too,’ Miles said to the motel room - too quiet for Dean to hear over the water - but then slammed the door behind himself loudly on his way out.</p><p>Now that he’s a few beers in though, he’s feeling a little more forgiving. He knows how hard Dean’s been taking Sam’s absence, and - consequently - Dad’s ever-more frequent disappearances. Recently it’s been like the man can’t even stand the sight of them without Sam, as if their very presence was reminding him of Sam leaving. (Miles thinks, that’s not exactly fair, considering he all but forbade them to even <em> mention </em>the existence of their missing brother. Although, he has to admit, staring at a face identical to Sam's every day is probably not exactly a cake walk either.)</p><p>Miles doesn’t mind it too much. He misses Dad, of course, how safe Dad makes him feel, but he enjoys their freedom from parental supervision - it reminds him of his childhood - and him and Dean make a good team. They think alike and normally have the same approach to hunts. Charm information out of the locals, shoot at anything that has claws or looks transparent, then get shitfaced in the nearest bar, maybe hook up with a girl. Done, done, and <em> done</em>. And they don’t even have to listen to Sam’s whining about how there’s more to life than this.</p><p>The girl he’s been chatting up for the last half hour seems very impressed with his knowledge of ancient Celtic symbols. They got talking when he asked her about her tattoo, and she practically swooned when he could correctly identify it as a Claddagh cross.</p><p>‘Hang on, are you in my Celtic Civilizations class? I think I’d remember someone as cute as you,’ she said, leaning closer to him. God, Miles loved being a hunter.</p><p>He’s just about to make his move, and suggest they move somewhere a little quieter, when he hears his brother’s voice behind him.</p><p>‘There you are, Millie.’</p><p><em>Crap.</em> He knows Dean is properly drunk before he even turns around to look at him.</p><p>‘Dean,’ he says coldly, his anger sparking up again. ‘I told you not to call me that,’ he snipes at him between his teeth, all the while assessing his brother’s state.</p><p>The wobbly posture and sad green eyes definitely don’t bode well. Miles knows that look. That look means something Sam-related. ‘Fuck,’ he murmurs to himself, just as Dean strides forward, his attention now all directed at the girl Miles has been talking to.</p><p>‘And who’s this?’ he says, his patented ladies-man smile right in place, as he pushes closer to her. ‘Don’t listen to him by the way, <em> everyone </em>calls him Millie. He’s named after our grandmother.’</p><p>‘Aw, how cute,’ the girl says, giggling a little, and Miles hates his life.</p><p>‘Dean, do you think you should maybe go back to the motel?’ he suggests pointedly, but it’s no use. Of course, Dean doesn't really mean to be an asshole, he's only trying to channel his own anger, his loneliness, Miles reasons with himself. But then he watches as his brother puts an arm around the girl, and that does it. Something snaps in him.</p><p>‘I bet he’s been boring you with all kinds of nerdy stuff...’ Dean is saying, and he’s drunk and unassuming enough to be thrown completely off-balance by Miles suddenly grabbing his arm and yanking him back <em> hard</em>. ‘Miles, what the <em> hell</em>?’</p><p>‘Why don’t you just, I don’t know, find yourself someone who looks like Sam to have sex with, and fuck off?’ he snaps at him, seeing red now, his fury feeding off of the alcohol in his system. He only belatedly realizes that he pitched his voice a bit louder than he initially intended.</p><p>‘What the fuck did you just say?’ Dean lets go of the girl and takes a step towards him now, slow and threatening, looking <em> immediately </em> sober. He looks scary enough for Miles to stumble back a few inches without meaning to. He’s seen that expression on his brother’s face before, but never <em> ever </em> directed towards him.</p><p>He’s suddenly acutely aware of the fact that there are several people staring at them, and that the bartender is marching towards them rapidly, probably wanting to break up this fight before it even begins.</p><p>Miles must be drunker than he thought though, because instead of backing down, he swipes the hair out of his face, and bravely meets Dean’s eyes. ‘You heard me. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Did you think I didn’t <em> know </em> about you two? Come on. He’s my <em> twin</em>. And you’ve been so fucking... <em> pathetic</em>.’</p><p>For a split second he’s sure Dean is going to hit him. And then - as if waking from a dream - Dean looks around, finally noticing the lack of background noise around them, how everyone in the bar is frozen still, watching their argument unfold. He wipes the emotion off his face, awkwardly clears his throat, and pushes past Miles without another word.</p><p>Miles is grateful when the girl doesn’t ask him for an explanation and just takes off without looking at him. He sends up a little prayer to the Big Man when the bartender lets him stay and drink himself unconscious in a corner, without anyone bothering him. When he stumbles back into the motel room at dawn - expecting Dean’s bags and the car to be gone - and his brother pretends none of it has ever happened, he thinks he must have an angel watching over him, just like apparently Mom always said.</p><p>Dean grumbles a little, but even ushers Miles towards the farthest bed from the door, and helps him untie his shoelaces when he can’t manage it himself.</p><p>‘I miss him too, you know,’ Miles says drunkenly, and the tears in his big brother’s eyes can’t be real, they are just something he’s imagining because of how out of it he is.</p><p>‘Shut up, Mills,’ Dean tells him and pushes him back onto the bed. ‘Go to sleep, little brother.’</p><p>When he wakes up mid-afternoon and Dean starts talking about a burger joint in San Antonio that he’d like to check out, as if he couldn’t even remember last night, Miles can’t bring himself to apologize.</p><p>They go out for greasy hangover food to settle their stomachs, and the silence between them is companionable. Miles stares at his pancakes, cuts them into little pieces guiltily, but he can’t make himself ruin their rediscovered balance by bringing up what he said last night. He sits there, listens to Dean moan indecently around a bite of bacon, and he feels like shit. He also misses Sam like crazy.</p><p>‘Come on, eat up,’ Dean says to him, like the vigilant mother hen he is. ‘Do you still wanna go to the Space Center?’</p><p>'Wow. So you do occasionally listen to things I say.'</p><p>Miles can only assume Dean is being so nice to him, because he’s terrified that he’ll leave him too. He knows that should make him angrier, but he likes it that Dean needs him.</p><p>As he finishes his third cup of coffee, and starts feeling more like an actual human again, he realizes that he’s also a little bit surprised by all this. Because - and it’s not like he’s spent a lot of time dwelling on the incestuous nature of his brothers’ relationship  but - he really thought that Sam and Dean knew that he figured it out a long time ago. It wasn’t like they were ever really subtle about it, after all.</p><p>The way Sam started looking at Dean, right around the time him and Miles hit puberty, was very much unmistakable, if not downright disgusting. Miles never wanted to see that expression on a face that was identical to his own ever again. And then there was Dean, who’d been acting like the whole world revolved around Sam, pretty much since <em> ever</em>. And the fact that America’s every single motel seemed to have suddenly run out of rooms that contained the right amount of beds.</p><p>‘It’s fine, Dean and I will just share,’ was a sentence that didn’t really sound that authentic after the two hundredth time.</p><p> </p><p>Miles doesn't know how he feels about Sam and Dean’s relationship, really. He suspects he should be a lot more appalled by it than he actually is. The thing is though, even when he didn’t know for sure, he kind of knew anyway. There was no big revelation or anything like that. Just a gradual recognition that Sam and Dean loved each other in a way that brothers were most definitely not supposed to.</p><p>And even that wasn’t really that groundbreaking. Ever since he could remember, he’s always been a little jealous of Sam for having so much of Dean’s attention, despite how Dean has always been so careful to not play favorites as they were growing up. He was the kind of big brother, who always made sure they got an equal amount of candy on Halloween, that he spent the same amount of time with both of them, helping them practice shooting.</p><p>And yet. There’s always been this weird pull between them, this tension in the air. The way Dean would smile at Sam just a little bit brighter than he did at Miles. And then there is how utterly broken and lost Dean has been, ever since Sam left. He puts on a brave face for Dad’s and Miles’s benefit, but it’s obvious how not okay he is.</p><p>Miles is actually convinced that Dean knew Sam was going to leave, way before Sam actually announced it. And while he does get why Sam wouldn’t tell Dad in advance, the fact that he didn’t trust his own twin with this information still hurts like a son of a bitch.</p><p>That last summer, he knew something was up. It was impossible not to, living in such close quarters as they did. He noticed how Dean would sometimes get this desperate look in his eyes whenever he looked at Sam. It seemed they got more reckless, would sometimes just up and disappear, just the two of them, and leave Miles to cover for them. This wasn’t like Dean at all - taking off, even just for a few hours, without telling Dad - but looking back on it, Miles thinks maybe Dean believed he could make Sam stay if he just gave him the perfect summer. Indulging Sam didn’t work, of course, like Miles knew it wouldn't. Sam left, broke both Dad’s and Dean’s hearts in the process, leaving Miles to pick up the pieces.</p><p>But no matter how selfish Sam is, Miles understands where he’s coming from, sometimes thinks knows Sam better than he knows himself. And Sam has always talked about getting out, never seemed content with hunting, not the way him or Dean are.</p><p>Miles can still remember him picking out towns to settle down in -  a map spread out in front of him in some roadside diner - when they were only ten, never shutting up about getting a dog, building his dream house out of legos, showing them where the porch will go. And while the idea of settling down felt alien to Miles, he accepted it as something that was self-evident to Sam. He accepted it the way he accepted that Sam was better at suturing than he was, that Sam was terrified of clowns and he wasn’t, how he was a self-proclaimed Hufflepuff, while Sam was very clearly a Ravenclaw. As his twin often liked reminding everyone, they <em> were </em> different people after all.</p><p>So it wasn’t that surprising that Miles could never imagine civilian life for himself. He’s always loved travelling around, felt at home in every little blacktop town America had to offer; a child of highways and truck stops, nomad blood running through his veins.</p><p> </p><p>The day after their little scene with Dean in the bar, he writes an email to Sam. They’ve been emailing back and forth since he’d left, and while it’s not exactly the same as having him by his side, it makes it a little more bearable. Makes it feel less like he’s just lost a limb, lost the best friend he’s ever had, the person that understands him the most.</p><p>He writes to Sam about their latest hunt, tries to make it sound like they see Dad more often than they actually do, but without outright lying. He gives an update on how Dean’s doing - <em> he drinks a lot, laughs way too hard at children’s cartoons, bitches about water-pressure, so you know: the usual </em>- because he knows Sam is desperate to know, but is never going to ask.</p><p>That side of things used to be a little better, back when Sam and Dean were still talking. It took a few weeks, but eventually Miles’s insistent prodding proved annoying enough for Dean to pick up the phone.</p><p>Miles realized early on that the second-hand embarrassment from listening to their more or less regular phone calls was a little too much for him, and usually made sure to disappear right before they happened. If he had to hear Dean awkwardly stutter through one more stupid conversation about what the weather was like in Palo Alto compared to whatever town they currently resided in, he was going to fucking punch Dean.</p><p>‘Just talk it out, for God’s sake!’ he wanted to yell at them, but he didn’t. (Mostly because Pastor Jim taught him right, and he never took the Lord’s name in vain - unless it was completely warranted, and he was about to be werewolf chow, for example - and because he tried very hard not to get himself stuck as their in-between person.) He wasn’t going to play messenger man between two star-crossed fucking idiots, thank you very much.</p><p>Of course, that was <em>before</em> they stopped talking. He’s not sure if they had some sort of an argument, or if it had happened gradually, and he is certainly not brave enough to ask. Either way though, at some point Sam stops picking up the phone, and in turn, Dean stops calling him.</p><p>And then Miles, of course, finds himself exactly where he didn’t want to be. He still does it though, mostly out of pity, a little bit out of love. He emails Sam reports about what Dean’s up to - even if Sam’s replies always seem shorter and shorter, and come less and less frequently - and he fake-casually drops it into their conversations with Dean that, by the way, Sam is still alive.<br/>
<br/>
He hates doing it, because while Sam mostly just ignores his mentions of Dean, whenever Miles talks about Sam, Dean becomes a complete asshole for the rest of the day. He knows Dean appreciates it though, because he knows his brother, and whenever Dean lets him drive or grudgingly agrees to get his choice of takeout, Miles knows to take it as the <em> thank you </em> it is.</p><p>He’s learnt to never mention Sam when Dad’s around though - made that mistake a few too many times - because while John Winchester, taking off, then turning up, covered in monster gunk, smelling like a whiskey factory, a week or two later, is not exactly original or even new, Miles hates it nevertheless. It makes him think that maybe Sam has it right, and he wishes he was the one chilling in California, instead of having to stitch up his half-passed out Dad, who’s insistently mumbling about ungrateful sons.</p><p>Then Dad disappears - for real this time - and Dean doesn’t have to say anything, for Miles to get it. He plays the slowed down, cleaned up version of the EVP for Dean, and their eyes meet over the screen of Miles’s laptop. They pack their bags and get on the road, and they are already on the highway when Miles realizes they never even said it out loud at any point. They just knew, it was in the air between them. They were coming to get Sam. (Later he will wonder if Dean had felt it back in New Orleans already, that the weird tangled <em> thing </em> between Sam and Dean was the reason he started driving towards California, even when they had no reason to head that way yet, and isn’t that fucking ironic, considering Sam is <em> his </em>twin brother.)</p><p>It’s been ten minutes now though and Dean still hasn’t gotten out of the car.</p><p>‘So,’ Miles says when he can’t take it anymore. ‘Are you just gonna sit here and stalk him like you normally do, or are you actually going inside this time?</p><p>Dean’s head swivels around, but Miles just rolls his eyes at him. Dean can be really fucking dense sometimes. (He wishes Sam was here, so they could laugh at him about it.)</p><p>‘Come on. I know you check on him every few months. I may not be as clever as him, but I’m not stupid you know.’</p><p>‘I don’t think you’re stupid, Miles,’ Dean says eventually, all quiet and honest. 'Look, I-' he starts, but then doesn't continue.</p><p>He doesn't have to. Miles might not be Sam, but he understands. And despite all his jealousy, he knows Dean loves him, would do anything for him, just like he would for Sam.</p><p>'I know. Me too, Dean.'</p><p>In a twisted way, he sometimes wonders if there's something wrong with him. Why <em>doesn't</em> he love Dean the way Sam does? Because, surely if two out of three are doing the whole incest thing, then that's the norm. Miles is the outlier. It's a fucked up way to think, but it's what he grew up with. He's never known anything different, he only had Sam and Dean's relationship as a point of reference, as to how brothers are with each other. And even now, that he's more or less an actual adult, and knows that whatever is going on between Sam and Dean is most definitely<em> not</em> okay... He still can't help the pang of doubt in his heart, the feeling that <em>he's</em> the freak here.</p><p> </p><p>Dean eventually does get out, and when Miles doesn’t follow him to the stairs of Sam's building, he turns back around, lifts an eyebrow at him.</p><p>'Coming, kiddo?'</p><p>Miles shakes his head. ‘You go. I’ll be out here if you need me,’ he says, fishing a cigarette out of his jacket pocket.</p><p>He can see Dean swallow. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Dean looks downright<em> grateful</em>, as he nods at him.</p><p>Dean’s already picked the lock by the time Miles realizes that his brother doesn’t know about Jessica. Crap.</p><p>The first time Sam mentioned Jessica, it was in passing. <em> One of my friends, Jessica, took me to this awesome bookstore</em>, one email said, and Miles was more focused on the <em> friends </em> part back then. Would you look at that. Sammy finally had friends. He had half a mind to make a joke about it to Dean, before he caught himself. Probably wasn't very wise, if he didn't want to deal with Dean's brooding all day long.</p><p>And despite Sam never actually outright mentioning that Jessica was his girlfriend, it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out. (Even though Miles suspected there might have been something going on between him and this Brady dude for a while.) Miles found out about their first date from<em> Jessica and I went to see the new Star Wars - what did you think? </em> (Which was oh-so-clearly code for <em> what did Dean think?</em>) and Miles could barely stop himself from making married couple jokes when Sam came out with <em> Jess and I bought some plants for the living room in IKEA last weekend. </em></p><p>And well. Miles doesn’t really think it’s his place to tell Dean. And even more importantly, he absolutely does not want to deal with the consequences. So.</p><p>He sits on the trunk of the car, feeling a bit guilty, and chain-smokes four cigarettes. He runs a hand through his hair after every other drag; a nervous tick both he and Sam have.</p><p>When Sam and Dean finally appear - arguing way too loud for how densely populated this area is - Miles hops off the car and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He’s not sure what he’s more relieved about; Dean not looking too devastated over how truly settled down Sam is here, or finally seeing his twin brother after four years.</p><p>He’s not too keen on interrupting their argument, but right around,</p><p>‘Can’t do this alone.’</p><p>‘You’re not alone, you have Miles.’</p><p>‘Well, I need<em> you</em>,’</p><p>he can’t help, but pointedly clear his throat.</p><p>He vaguely appreciates the belated guilt that shoots through Dean’s face at realizing he’d heard that, but he’s mostly too preoccupied to care right now.</p><p>It’s stupid, but he’d been a little worried Sam and him wouldn’t look the same anymore. That living apart, their lives heading in different directions, would mean they ceased to be identical somehow. The fact that that's not the case makes his heart feel lighter than it’s been in years.</p><p>‘Hey,’ they say at the same time, and neither of them can help the smile at that. And Miles knows that smile, because it’s almost identical to his own, and it means <em> I missed you </em>and <em>Dean doesn't mean it like that</em>. The relief almost knocks him off his feet.</p><p>‘Okay, stop being creepy,’ Dean says, looking between them, but Miles can tell he loves having them all in the same place again. Both of his little brothers, right here, where he can keep an eye on them, make sure they’re safe and sound.</p><p>‘What was he hunting?’ Sam eventually asks Dean, but he holds Miles’s gaze for a familiarly reassuring extra second.</p><p>‘Alright,’ Dean says, opening up the trunk, all business-like. ‘Millie, where the hell did you put that thing?’</p><p>Miles shoves him out of the way, which earns him a slap to the back of the head, but Sam seems to pay no mind to their usual antics. ‘So when Dad left, why didn’t you two go with him?’ he muses.</p><p>‘We were working our own gig,’ Dean explains. ‘This voodoo thing, down in New Orleans.’</p><p>Miles can tell Sam wants to ask about the Hurricane, but then his snark wins out over his curiosity. ‘Dad let you two idiots go on a hunting trip by yourselves?’</p><p>They play Sam the voicemail, and Miles can pinpoint the exact moment he truly starts to worry. That’s not the moment Sam decides to come with them though - Miles knows. The moment he decides to come with them is when his eyes find the familiar shape of Dean's amulet, hanging against his chest, like always. Fuck, Miles used to hate that thing viciously, when they were little. And he knows Sam only agrees to help them find Dad, because it’s Dean asking. He wouldn’t say yes to anyone else. But Miles is used to that by now, the jealousy - of Dean or of Sam, he doesn't even know - doesn't sting as hard, he resents it only a little.</p><p>Then Sam tells them about law school, and Miles watches as Dean’s mouth curves up in a proud little smile, even as he turns his head to look at Miles, as if asking - or rather, accusing - <em> did you know about this? </em></p><p>Miles feels a little like Sam somehow clawed his way through his chest and squeezed his heart until it stopped beating. Sure, things weren’t exactly great between them, but he thought Sam told him about the important stuff. The omission begs the question: what else is he keeping from him?</p><p>He shakes his head silently. Feels a little better when Dean bumps into him consolingly, kind of like they are in this together. They watch Sam silently, as he turns back towards the building, away from them. It’s not Miles’s favorite sight in the world. <em>Already been there, done that.</em></p><p>But then Sam hesitates on the first step. ‘Miles? Wanna come help me pack?’</p><p>It’s an olive branch Miles is not about to refuse. He follows his twin upstairs, while Dean stays put, under the pretence that he needs to make space for Sam’s shit in the car. Miles can’t decide if he just doesn’t want to see Jessica again, he needs a moment to himself, or just feels awkward because Sam very pointedly didn’t ask <em> him</em>.</p><p>‘I could have used a heads-up you were coming, you know,’ Sam says to him, even as they fall into step as they take the stairs.</p><p>Miles doesn’t miss a beat. ‘You could have told me about law school, you know,’ he replies, mimicking Sam’s tone of voice.</p><p>Sam comes to an abrupt halt at that, and it's hard to make out his face in the dark, but Miles is sure he's looking for validation here. 'I didn't think you would want me to.'</p><p>Miles thinks this will do as an apology for now. A kind of half-hearted <em> sorry for leaving you behind</em>. It’s better than nothing. It’s better than Sam shutting him out completely.</p><p>'Are you shitting me? It's awesome, Sam. A lawyer in the family? At least now you'll be able to get Dean's ass out of jail whenever he does something stupid.' When Sam raises an eyebrow at him, he begrudgingly adds, 'Yeah, okay, and mine too.'</p><p>'Yeah, like I haven't been doing that my whole life anyway,' Sam says, and he shoves him playfully. For the first time in years, Miles thinks they are going to be fine.</p><p> </p><p>Jessica is a surprise. She's objectively very hot - way hotter than Miles expected, to be honest - but he strangely doesn’t find her attractive or appealing in any way at all. It only takes him a short conversation with her to realize why.</p><p>She’s <em> freakishly </em> similar to Dean. She has the bone structure, the eyes, the freckles. Her sense of humor, and - he flips through their CD collection while they have a private conversation in the bedroom - even her music taste is pretty much identical to Dean’s. Miles would laugh if he didn’t feel like throwing up.</p><p>‘Woah,’ Jessica says, when she first sees him. ‘You really are identical. Can you read each other’s mind?’</p><p>They instinctively look at each other at the unoriginal question, and Sam's eyes get a mischievous shine.</p><p>‘Sure,’ they say at the same time, as if it was rehearsed, and Jessica gapes at them. Miles knows she can only tell them apart right now because they are wearing different clothes. (Although, he’s actually pretty sure the hoodie Sam’s wearing used to belong to <em>him</em> originally. Not that Jessica knows that.)</p><p>He reaches out a hand. ‘I’m Miles. Nice to finally meet you, Jess. Heard a lot about you.’</p><p>He doesn’t miss the realization flickering through Jessica’s face, that while Sam never mentioned her to Dean, <em> he </em> clearly knew about her. He can see in his peripheral vision as Sam ducks his head, embarrassed. <em> Oops</em>.</p><p>While Sam is moving around, collecting his stuff with the efficiency of someone who’s been capable of packing up all of his Earthly belongings in under five minutes since he was seven years old, Miles tries to have as normal a conversation with Jessica, as possible.</p><p>‘Um, so how are the IKEA plants?’ he asks her clumsily, and he sounds so much like Sam when he’s being socially awkward, that he almost lets out a laugh.</p><p>Jess doesn’t reply, just blinks up at him all confused, like he was some sort of alien, or perhaps a mirage.</p><p>‘You okay?’ he asks her, a little concerned after she remains silent for a good thirty seconds. ‘Did all the plants die or something?’</p><p>Then Jess laughs, and the sound is so much like a high-pitched version of Dean’s, that it knocks all the air out of Miles’s lungs.</p><p>‘No, sorry, it’s just… You look so much like Sam,’ she says, and her sweet embarrassment somehow helps Miles get it together.</p><p>‘Well. You could argue that <em> he</em>’s the one who looks like <em> me</em>,’ Miles fumbles for his usual line, hoping it comes off casual, instead of flailing.</p><p>‘So what’s the trick to tell you two apart, Mary-Kate? Like a mole the other one doesn’t have, anything like that?’ she asks him, and it’s <em> pure </em> Dean, down to the shitty pop culture reference. It kind of leaves Miles speechless.</p><p>‘Um, no, nothing like that,’ he shakes his head distractedly. ‘Nobody can really tell us apart. <em> Well</em>. Dean can.’</p><p>And he doesn’t mean anything by it, really, but there must be something in his voice, because Jess’s face suddenly clouds over, and Miles is not exactly sure where to go from here.</p><p>‘The original plants are long dead, by the way,’ Jessica says eventually, looking a little off-balance, as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘These are all new ones,’ she gestures around the apartment.</p><p>‘Oh. My condolences,’ Miles offers with an uncomfortable grin.</p><p>There is another moment of silence between them, but then suddenly Jessica steps closer, and asks, ‘Is your dad okay?’</p><p>Her voice is low, and Miles gets the impression Sam never told her jackshit about who John Winchester is.</p><p>He shrugs in a way that’s meant to be nonchalant. ‘Sure. We’re going to get him. Just a little family drama. You know how it is.’</p><p>It’s obvious from her face that she really doesn’t.</p><p>‘Yeah, that’s what Sam said.’</p><p>And Miles knows, she doesn’t believe it. She’s not stupid. Not that he ever expected Sam to fall for someone who was.</p><p>Thankfully Sam chooses that exact moment to finish his packing.</p><p>‘Okay,’ he says, standing in the doorway, his face determined, ready to go.</p><p>‘All done?’ Miles asks him, and it’s as easy to read his twin’s body language as it’s always been. He falls back into it, like no time has passed, and the way Sam's tilting his head now clearly means, <em> Can you give us a minute?  </em></p><p>Miles nods, as if he’d said the question out loud - a habit that used to drive Dean crazy. ‘It was nice to meet you, Jess. Keep up the good work on the plants.’</p><p> </p><p>When he gets outside, he expects Dean to be leaning against his car, smoking, but instead he's just standing there, smiling at nothing in particular, looking stupidly content. <em> Of course, he's not smoking</em>, Miles realizes. Sam's always hated them smoking. Only - unlike Dean - Miles never really cared enough to stop. He rolls his eyes.</p><p>He purposefully makes as much noise as he can on the last of the stairs, and by the time he glances at his brother again, Dean’s face is smileless.</p><p>‘Sam?’ he asks, looking behind him, and Miles only doesn’t miss the barely-there desperation in his voice, because he’s listening out for it.</p><p>He gestures at the light visible in the apartment window. ‘He’s saying bye to Jess.’</p><p>‘Ah,’ Dean says. Oh shit. ‘She’s nice, isn’t she?’ There is an accusation in his tone, and Miles feels instantly guilty about not telling him about her, even if he knows Dean would have been unbearably jealous had he known. He tries for an apologetic smile.</p><p>They don’t really have anywhere to go from here though, because any further discussion would lead to the reason <em> why </em> Miles didn’t tell him about Jessica, and that would mean acknowledging the nature of Sam and Dean’s relationship, and how much Miles knows about it. In the end it’s Sam’s appearance that saves them from their endless staring match.</p><p>Miles goes for the backseat, without giving it a second thought, while Sam is busy shoving his backpack into the trunk. Dean doesn’t question it, but Sam shuffles hesitantly before getting in shotgun.</p><p>‘I don’t wanna take your seat, Miles…’</p><p>Miles makes an unattractive snorting sound at the same time as Dean says, ‘Seat doesn’t have his name on it, come on.’</p><p>But Sam is still not moving towards the door. In fact he’s completely ignoring Dean and is continuing to stare at Miles insistently. Which is actually pretty fucking hilarious.</p><p>They’ve had this argument countless times as kids. Miles suspects most normal siblings fight about who gets to sit in the front, but their point of contention had always been who got to sit next to Dean. It took Miles a few years, but eventually he realized that the mood kill that was Sam’s unbelievable ability to sulk when he didn’t get his way, was not worth the trouble. He liked sitting next to Dad and being in control of the radio, anyway. And when Dean inherited the Impala on his eighteenth birthday, Miles’s move to the back (so Sam and Dean could continue to sit next to each other) was seamless, the reason for it self-evident. Sam belonged in the front, right next to Dean.</p><p>‘Fuck off, Sam,’ Miles says eventually, in disbelief. ‘If it’s anyone’s seat...’</p><p>It’s hard to tell in the dark, but Miles knows his twin brother’s face better than anything, so he can tell. Sam’s blushing. Then he steps out of Miles's line of sight, and the familiar creak, as he opens the car door, cuts into the silence of the street.</p><p> </p><p>Sam and Dean bicker over the music all the way to Jericho, and Miles cannot stop smiling. He dreaded Sam coming back into the hunting life, into <em> their </em>life. He didn’t want to deal with the unspoken - and frankly, disturbingly sexual - tension between his brothers. He wasn’t looking forward to watching them struggle with how much they hurt each other. And he sure as hell wasn't ready to lose being the sole focus of Dean’s attention. But as he’s munching on the chips Dean had bought them in lieu of breakfast (and it’s just like Dean to express his love by the way of food; getting Miles’s favorite kind), nodding along to Sam’s way too loud admonishing of his credit card scams, he feels relief wash over him.</p><p>‘Yeah, well, hunting ain’t exactly a pro-ball career,’ Dean says. ‘Besides, it’s not our fault Millie’s a kid genius at it.’</p><p>‘Well, I’ve only been doing it since I was eleven.’</p><p>Listening to Sam insult Dean’s awesome cassette tape collection makes Miles feel like everything is right in the world. The nervous knot in his stomach that first appeared four years ago finally starts to untangle.</p><p>‘House rules, Sam,’ he chimes in from the back, and he revels in the betrayed look Sam shoots him.</p><p>Dean grins at him brightly in the rear-view mirror though, as he puts the tape in. ‘You hear that? House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.’</p><p>‘You know, <em> Sammy </em> is a chubby twelve year old. It’s <em> Sam</em>, okay?’</p><p>‘See? Nobody likes your stupid nicknames, Dean,’ Miles backs up his twin - to Sam’s utter delight -, and he’s missed this. </p><p>He missed the two of them teaming up to tease Dean, he missed Sam’s sarcastic comments, fuck, he thinks he even missed the way Sam sits and stands <em> way </em> too close to Dean, touches him more than necessary. He definitely missed that doting smile on Dean’s face whenever he looks at Sam.</p><p>As they drive out of the gas station Dean makes a comment about how creepy it is that they have the exact same haircut despite spending the last four years apart. Miles can see it on his twin’s face that he resents that a little - always the one fighting for their individuality, wanting to be his own person - but Sam high-fives him nonetheless and loftily throws in the well-rehearsed line: ‘It’s <em> twin stuff</em>, Dean. You wouldn’t understand.’</p><p>And as worried as Miles is about Dad, he suddenly kind of wishes they never find him. This, right here - Dean flooring it on the highway, while Sam is sneakily trying to change the radio station because Miles told him to do it - this is perfect the way it is.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! kudos are love 💕 also let me know if you want more of the twins verse:)</p><p>buy me a <a href="https://www.buymeacoffee.com/nowhereblake">coffee</a> if you feel like ☕</p></blockquote></div></div>
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